Horn NOT OK Please

I guess the title is pretty straightforward and you know what this post is all about. What you don't know, is that I can see the future. You also don't know that I absolutely love those piping hot, straight out of the sugar syrup, crunchy jalebis. Now, before you say anything like, 'what the heck is this', I must tell you that the Mount Everest is 8848 meters at its highest peak.

If you're still reading this, you may well be the lucky few who might be spared a very filmy death. But just maybe.

When I saw my future yesterday, I saw my hands blood-stained from the murder of an innocent man whose only mistake was his unnecessary and annoyingly incessant honking. As a result, I was sent to a very filthy repugnant cell of an abandoned city jail, where I could no longer relish my syrup dripping jalebis and my dream of climbing the Everest was reduced to...well,  a dream.

Wait, what's the chuckle for, don't you dream? Huh!

Off course, that was just a prediction and in reality I would think at least 1.5 times before taking a pick on anybody from the Brigade Of Jackass Honkers (BOJH) and let mother earth feel a bit lighter. It could be a tough job as the BOJH come in all shapes, sizes and colors. Some of them are even gifted with the rare gift of genetic mutation which allows them to honk, shriek and fart, all at the same time, sending your mind into deep bewilderment, so you don't know which sound to process first.

Here, I could also go on and start writing about how harmful this noise pollution is and say something like 'our ears can only take 80 decibels before starting to get damaged' and 'noise level in some parts of Delhi have been around 76 to 82 decibels in the past'. But this stuff is boring, so I am not going to do that. Instead, I will just list some of the types which constitute the honking desperado in our city and elsewhere.

- Brake are directly proportional to horns: This category is specific to the overcrowded localities, here in north India. The moment they have to push the brakes, they start honking. Sometimes continuously, sometimes in quick successions and sometimes in rhythm.

- Forget brakes, Horns are constant: This category is gracefully and completely owned by motorcyclists in the age group 12-17. The only thing that separates their thumb and the horn button is feviquick(glue). By behaving in such a manner they probably get a deep demented satisfaction, which could only be challenged by drug sniffing.

- Green means Go: They go on and berserk as soon as the traffic signal turns green. Patience is promptly spitted on the divider or pavement by the diligent brigade and poor horn is pressed with full force. Mostly, they behave like prisoners running to the gates of eternal freedom which are going to close any minute.

- Jam therapy: There people were made with special care. They have an extra switch which turns on and disables their ability to perceive what they see, as soon as they come across a jam. No matter what the reason is, the proverbial therapists think that honking the blood out the ears of the driver in front, is going to make him move or climb vehicles, thus clearing their way.

- I feel like it: The most interesting and eccentric folks on road. They blow horn just because they feel like it, without any explainable reason or elucidation. They experience an uncontrollable urge to feel the sound of horn, decoding the source of which, is beyond the boundaries of sanity. Maybe they get an ephemeral erotic pleasure by blowing horn. God knows.

There are other supernatural powers present in some of the BOJH which cannot be categorized here. And some of them who possess more than two properties given above look as if they are set out on a mission to overpower Rajinikanth.

I have, two utterly important pieces of advice for the people described above.

1. Blowing horn unnecessarily is a form of insult to the other person, almost comparable to abuse. Since I believe traffic etiquette has nothing to do with education or institutionalization, there should be an acceptable level of sensibility and wisdom in a driver to not use the weapon, he is given for protection, for committing crimes.

2. Nobody, I repeat nobody, can overpower Rajini Sir.

P.S: You can use the photo above by printing it out and sticking it at the back of your car.